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NOTES FROM OTHERS:

R 5/25/12 18:00

you definitely do have a way with words. i like how Weaver and Dax ponder moments in their life and really delve into the psychology of it. some people are afraid to talk like this, which is sad. they don't wanna ponder things much, just see what they see and leave it at that.
haha it's so embarrassing when the tummy rumbles and everyone can hear it, it's like *in public with a group of people doing stuff* then *groan of tummy* "OOPS!" *things continue* then *Rrrrrr* "Ahhhh..." *wants to crawl under a rock*

Thomas 5/26/12 5:04

I like the way you appeal on all levels. Visual, dialog, imagination, trying to imagine what it'd be like to be Weaver. I'm guessing the singing lady will make an appearance soon. Hope she's not fat, though, as I don't want it to be over. I imagine her voice, not as a siren but more haunting.

swankivy

Somebody being fat would make something be "over"? I don't know what you meant by that but it kinda sounds like you would dislike any fat characters if they were women, and that's very confusing and disappointing.

Stuart Gathman 6/1/12 8:20

I talked to a man 2 weeks ago who has several times gone into the woods with nothing but a knife for 3 months at a time, to test his survival skills (and spends a lot of time of the Appalachian Trail). In the winter, this required 16 hours/day spent foraging. No time for chit chat.
In summer, there is a little free time, but not much. I think your story captures the feel of summer survival pretty well. It focuses on chats in free time, but leaves the impression that the rest of the time is spent foraging.

SHO! 12/29/12 12:46

"Hope she's not fat, though, as I don't want it to be over." o_O

R	5/25/12	18:00
you definitely do have a way with words. i like how Weaver and Dax ponder moments in their life and really delve into the psychology of it. some people are afraid to talk like this, which is sad. they don't wanna ponder things much, just see what they see and leave it at that. haha it's so embarrassing when the tummy rumbles and everyone can hear it, it's like in public with a group of people doing stuff then groan of tummy "OOPS!" things continue then Rrrrrr "Ahhhh..." wants to crawl under a rock
Thomas	5/26/12	5:04
I like the way you appeal on all levels. Visual, dialog, imagination, trying to imagine what it'd be like to be Weaver. I'm guessing the singing lady will make an appearance soon. Hope she's not fat, though, as I don't want it to be over. I imagine her voice, not as a siren but more haunting.
swankivy
Somebody being fat would make something be "over"? I don't know what you meant by that but it kinda sounds like you would dislike any fat characters if they were women, and that's very confusing and disappointing.
Stuart Gathman	6/1/12	8:20
I talked to a man 2 weeks ago who has several times gone into the woods with nothing but a knife for 3 months at a time, to test his survival skills (and spends a lot of time of the Appalachian Trail). In the winter, this required 16 hours/day spent foraging. No time for chit chat. In summer, there is a little free time, but not much. I think your story captures the feel of summer survival pretty well. It focuses on chats in free time, but leaves the impression that the rest of the time is spent foraging.
SHO!	12/29/12	12:46
"Hope she's not fat, though, as I don't want it to be over." o_O